Have you ever heard of imaginary friends? What comes to mind when you think about the presence of a buddy that only your child can see, talk or interact to? How common is it and how are parents supposed to handle it?
Let ‘s dive in!
Data and understandings about imaginary friends
A 2004 research by the University of Washington indicates that, by the time children are 7 years old, nearly 65% of them have had an imaginary friend to call their own. On average, 20 to 35% of children from that age range affirm they have imaginary friends.
Not only numbers show that the pretend friends are perfectly normal, but specialists from psychiatry also agree to it. Imaginary friends are a manifestation of a child’s creativity and a mechanism to help them manage their lives and navigate through eventual conflicts.
What are imaginary friends?
To your child, their imaginary friend is a connection they get to make with someone special, available to talk or play whenever they want, and that speaks their language by holding similar interests.
A child’s bond with their imaginary companion can be as strong as it is with a living and breathing person next to them. Their affinity is so strong that it’s not a big of a deal that they only exist for their child!
As a parent, try to understand imaginary friends as an expected stage in your child’s life. There’s no need to be alarmed by it, especially because children can actually tell the difference between a relationship with a friend for school or family from their make-believe buddy.
Why do imaginary friends exist?
Not only are they a perfectly normal demonstration of your child’s imagination, but they can also become a type of coping mechanism. Also, it can help your child develop emotional literacy.
Imaginary friends are understood as something the child can control in their environment: they show up when the child is ready to greet and interact with them; they play whatever games your child suggests; they spend as much time together as they want without interference.
Imaginary friends are also accounted for helping children deal with their own struggles – whether they’re on the autistic spectrum, dealing with a difficult situation at home, or simply need to feel like they belong.
When do imaginary friends occur?
Usually, by the time the child is two to three years old.
There is not a specific age limit that defines the normal duration of an imaginary friendship. The imagined friend can last for a few months, or maybe several years.
The fact is that they’ll go away when your child is ready, and when their mission within your Little One’s life is accomplished – whatever that may be!
Are parents supposed to encourage an imaginary friendship?
Growing a friendship with an imaginary companion is completely normal and expected behavior from children. So, there’s no reason why parents wouldn’t not only incentivize, but participate in that relationship when their child is growing.
While the friendship with the imagined buddy is happening, you might come across with unusual requests, such as being asked to set a plate for the Imaginary Pal over the dinner table. Why not go along with it?
Of course, you shouldn’t feel obliged to serve food to someone who’s not eating, but it’s ok to host the imaginary guest if your child asks for it.
We’ll get to boundaries over imaginary friendships as we move along, but as an overall recommendation, parents are advised to go along with the situation.
How to manage the “presence” of an imaginary friend
Consider that the imaginary friend is a type of emotional resource your child has created. So be a part of it!
Ask questions about what the imaginary friend is feeling; why do your child think they acted a certain way; celebrate the imaginary friends’ feelings and embrace their struggles, offering support.
This is all to say that, if parents respect, support their child’s imagination and consider their issues, as nonsensical as they might sound, you are actually making your relationship stronger.
As a result, your child will grow knowing they can trust you, since you are welcoming to their demands with no judgment.
Children with imaginary friends are lonely?
There might be a stigma around imaginary friends as a resource to compensate for a lonely child in real life, but making this assumption is not really fair.
Kids with imaginary friends are more likely to grow their social skills, have better emotional intelligence, and even be more creative: who wouldn’t want to spend their time playing with such a youngster?!
Although the occurrence of imaginary friends can be more common in families with single children, it’s certainly not an indication of loneliness or extreme introversion.
Benefits that imaginary friends bring to children
Imaginary friends are actually a coping mechanism that helps your child interact with the reality around them. In addition to the whole increased creativity section, what other benefits can come out of imaginary friends?
- Imaginary friends help your child create a broader vision of different perspectives.
- Your little kid grows their empathetic skills, because they are constantly interacting and engaging with their friend’s perceptions.
- Also, kids learn how to communicate – since they are the only ones who listen and understand their friend.
When do imaginary friends become a concerne?
We’ve come to terms with the fact that imaginary friends are normal, predicted, and can certainly be encouraged by parents. But is there an understanding as to when does the imaginary friend become problematic?
First and foremost: if you notice a change of patterns in your child’s daily routine when it comes to eating, sleeping or interacting with people around them, it’s paramount to reach out for your pediatrician.
Discuss the situation and try to be as specific as possible as to what changed, when, and what was the general vibe in your family when these changes occurred.
Should it be a limit to the imaginary friendship?
Since you’re becoming an expert on handling your child’s relationship with their imaginary friend, here’s another hint: don’t be surprised if your kid eventually “outsources” their unwanted behaviors to their imagined buddy.
You might come across situations like the child saying they didn’t do their chores because their friend stopped them. Or saying their make-pretend pal actually broke something.
If this happens, you’re expected to take advantage of the fact your child knows their friend is not real: they can differentiate real and non-real people, as we’ve stated before.
Handling conflicts involving the imaginary friend
So have a respectful conversation pointing out that you both know that their friend couldn’t have physically stopped them from doing something or causing any damage to a real object.
Ask questions as to why the child is blaming their imaginary friend, reinforce to your child they can trust you and ask them again to tell the truth, reassuring you’ll work through whatever is happening together.
Behaviors to watch out for
You might want to look for specialized help if some of these behaviors become usual.
- Substitution: your child doesn’t want to interact with other kids because they already have a friend.
- Fear: your child feels frightened or insecure by the conversations they have with their imaginary friend.
- Physical alterations: your child has trouble sleeping, eating, or is having constant bedwetting episodes because of something connected to the imaginary friend.
An imaginary friend is supposed to be a fruitful and healthy relationship: so if you feel like something’s off, don’t reach out to clinical assistance. If not, always keep your appointments with your pediatrician up to date, and do your best to foster a healthy relationship with your child.
You are now more equipped to handle the stage of imaginary friends as part of your Little One’s childhood journey! Continue your quest of being the best parent you can possibly and learn the importance of choosing the right preschool.
