As parents and educators, most of us have plans and dreams when it comes to thinking about our children’s future.
It’s not unusual to expect them to succeed through hard times, become good people, trust in themselves, and ultimately make the right choices that will bring them happiness.
While this is true for many, parents might sometimes forget that this future building relies on their own attitudes as their guardians. And that’s when learning what parenting styles are, and which is your own, comes into play.
What are Parenting Styles, and Why Do They Matter?
Parenting styles are the general approaches adults use to raise and guide their children, shaped by how they communicate, discipline, and respond to their child’s needs.
Understanding your own style helps you recognize how your daily choices influence your child’s emotional development, behavior, and long-term success.
Being aware of your approach opens the door to more intentional parenting, allowing you to support your child in growing up confident, secure, and prepared for future challenges.
As we’ll see next, there are four main parenting styles.
Looking Deep Into Each Parenting Style
Authoritarian
The excessive control over children’s conduct doesn’t mean there’s a lack of love or affection between parents and children.
However, this rigid regime does have an impact on how children look at themselves, since they’re often being controlled and do not get to make their own choices often.
Decision making: parents have the final word and there’s no negotiation around it.
Children’s behaviour: they expect children to obey all rules, no questions asked.
What defines the relationship: obedience, strictness.
Expected impacts on children: they are good at following rules and playing by the book, but they can struggle with decision-making, low self-esteem and insecurity issues, and social ineptitude.
Permissive
The idea of trusting your kid’s instincts and letting them have it their way could sound appealing: after all, you’d be laying the groundwork for their own independence, learning how to deal with the consequences of their actions, and building self-confidence. Sounds nice, right?
However, children need limits. They are not supposed to have it all figured out, and parents should step up as the people to guide them through what they still don’t know how to handle.
Decision making: parents do not have the final word. They don’t force children to do what they don’t want to do, regardless of the situation.
Children’s behavior: they get to make decisions in terms of their clothes, food, how and what to play with, and how they interact with other people.
What defines the relationship: freedom, friendship.
Expected impacts on children: although it’s important to provide children with autonomy and a sense of self-confidence, children can struggle with boundaries and respecting limits as they grow. This could lead to struggling with self-regulation and overly selfish behavior.
Authoritative
Also described as positive parenting, it’s believed to be a balance between two parenting styles extremes – Authoritarian and Permissive.
The word “authoritative” could sound like something bad, but this parenting style is much more sensible in terms of combining children’s inputs and the role parents take as being in charge with children’s development.
Decision making: parents do get the final word, but they explain to the child the reasoning behind it. It’s not a “my way or the highway” type of situation, but rather a description of why certain things are as they are.
Children’s behavior: kids have a voice and a safe space to express concerns, disagreements, and ask questions. They are answered, although parents might not always comply with it.
What defines the relationship: communication, respect.
Expected impacts on children: more skilled on self-regulation, independent, willing to negotiate, attentive to other people’s needs and reasons. There’s data to confirm that children from authoritative parents have better performance at school and excel academically.
Neglectful
Also known as uninvolved parenting, this style is marked by a lack of responsiveness to a child’s needs and low levels of communication and involvement.
Parents may provide for the child’s basic needs (like food and shelter), but are emotionally distant and minimally engaged in their child’s day-to-day life.
Decision making: decisions are rarely discussed or even communicated. Parents may not set clear expectations or boundaries, often leaving children to figure things out on their own, regardless of age or maturity.
Children’s behavior: children may act out to gain attention, or become overly independent, used to relying only on themselves. They might also struggle to understand or respect authority, since consistent guidance is missing.
What defines the relationship: emotional distance, minimal guidance or involvement.
Expected impacts on children: often associated with low self-esteem, poor academic performance, difficulty forming healthy relationships, and higher likelihood of emotional and behavioral issues. Without support or guidance, children may feel unimportant or unsure of their place in the world.
Real-Life Examples of How Each Parenting Style Looks
To dive deeper into understanding parenting models, let’s rely on common situations that you’ll probably face someday (if you haven’t already!).
Scenario 1: The child throws a tantrum at the grocery store
Authoritative:
The parent calmly removes the child from the situation if needed and speaks to them at eye level.
They acknowledge the child’s feelings (“I know you’re upset we can’t get that cereal”), but set firm boundaries (“We’re here to buy what we need, not extra treats today”).
Later, they may revisit the moment to help the child understand how to better express emotions.
Authoritarian:
The parent reacts quickly with firm discipline, possibly raising their voice or threatening a consequence.
The child is expected to stop immediately, with little or no discussion. Emotional expression is not encouraged, and the focus is on obedience and control.
Permissive:
The parent may give in to avoid conflict (“Okay, we’ll get the cereal if you stop crying”) or try to gently soothe the child without setting clear limits.
The child learns that a tantrum might result in getting what they want.
Neglectful:
The parent may ignore the tantrum completely or respond with visible frustration or disinterest.
There is little attempt to guide, comfort, or correct the child. The child is left to deal with their emotions on their own.
Scenario 2: The child comes home with a poor grade
Authoritative:
The parent expresses concern but seeks to understand what happened. They ask thoughtful questions (“Did something about the lesson confuse you?”) and offer support (“Let’s talk to your teacher or review together”).
The focus is on growth and learning from mistakes, not punishment.
Authoritarian:
The parent is disappointed or angry, possibly punishing the child or reducing privileges. The emphasis is on performance and meeting expectations. There’s little room for conversation or understanding what caused the poor grade.
Permissive:
The parent may downplay the situation (“It’s just one test, don’t worry about it”) and avoid holding the child accountable.
They offer comfort but don’t encourage responsibility or effort to improve.
Neglectful:
The parent shows little to no interest in the grade, offers no feedback or help, and may not even ask about school performance.
The child receives no guidance or encouragement in addressing the issue.
Final Thoughts on Different Parenting Styles
Now you know which are the four main parenting styles, and its effects on children.
Comprehending each of them can give you clarity as to what model you’re more inclined to, and what could be the consequences if you rely heavily on extreme models such as Permissive or Authoritarian.
Your journey as becoming the best parent you can be doesn’t end here: next, read on what conscious parenting is and why it matters.
